Title: Non-Profit Management
Client/Sponsor: Lyndon State College Business Administration Department
Length: 30 seconds
Air Dates: Unknown
Want to gain some real-world experience? The Business Administration Department at
Lyndon State College has just the class for you. Our new Non-Profit Management course
gives students the opportunity to work with others and perform real tasks for real
clients in and around the Lyndon community. This semester, students were given the
opportunity to write a new mission statement and design a new logo for the Lyndon
Chamber of Commerce. Final projects will be presented on Tuesday, May 11.
Open to students in any major, this non-profit management course will give you the
experience that you can’t get anywhere else. Watch for registration details.
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Feedback: This is meant to be read by the radio DJ, who is not a spokesperson for the college, so the word "our" wouldn't work. The phrase "Watch for registration details" also wouldn't work on the radio.
ReplyDeleteYou can tighten a few of your sentences. Do you absolutely need the phrases "work with others", and "were given the opportunity"?
You dilute your message when you include info about the presentation of the final projects on May 11; it takes attention away from next fall's course.
Present your final version to the department and send it back to me, and I'll forward it to the radio station.